The Host: a genuinely dreadful movie

the-host

It’s rare that I see a film as patently awful as The Host. I mean, sure, I’ve recently stomached the likes of Identity Thief and Red Dawn, but this latest film from Twilight author Stephenie Meyer may well go down as one of the worst I’ve ever seen. A travesty really, because I genuinely liked the book of the same name.

The story involves Alien squiggly bits that, after an interstellar journey, get implanted into the necks of the human race, resulting in glowing eyes and a fascination with shiny metal vehicles. A ragtag band of humans who exhibit a fondness of making out in the rain, yet who are chaste enough to avoid hitting the proverbial first base, are shown in a kind of existential battle. Hiding out in a dormant volcano, we see them going on daring missions, stealing supplies, that kind of thing.

But before that happens, there’s a bit where Saoirse Ronan wanders through the desert in the most tedious runaway that may ever have been filmed. Oh, and there’s also this part where we realize that our heroine has held on to the former memories of her, um, host, and the two of them have conversations that lack the dramatic sophistication we see in the book version.

As you can probably tell, my heart really just isn’t in this review. Quite frankly, The Host is just boring to write about as it is to watch.

The dreary cast makes it difficult to tell the 20-something chiseled boys from one another, and the likes of William Hurt makes one feel kind of sad that this is what he’s ended up doing.

In all honesty, The Host is the eye gouging, can’t-get-the-hours-back-of-your-life kind of bad that, if there’s any justice, will quickly disappear from your local screen, soon to be forgotten by all but those masochistic few who actually stomach the entire running time.

Definitely one to avoid.

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1 Comment

  1. I agree with most of the points you are making here, but I’d also like to say that I thought the film wasn’t too bad. It could have been so much worse. But (as always?) the book was better, and even that wasn’t very good. Stephenie Meyer seems to always write unnaturally happy endings no one can really believe in.

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